19 And 2 Pill Abortions

I was 18. I had just gotten out of high school and moved in with my partner. I started college six months later. I didn’t get my period, which was irregular. My body felt like it had left me. I felt like I left myself.

I was upset all the time; my boyfriend and I were always fighting. I told someone I was close with how I was feeling, and she offered me a pregnancy test since she just found out she was pregnant. I peed on the stick and saw the first line, then the 2nd. I immediately started crying since I was just in college, still paying tuition, still figuring myself and my relationship out. The girl I was with told me that no matter what I choose, it is gonna be okay, and no one can tell me what to do with my body but myself.

I have five sisters and a mom I could talk to, but I couldn’t do it. I felt terrible that I couldn’t talk to my own family about this.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought the only right thing was to abort.  I talked to my partner, and he supported my choice. He took me to Planned Parenthood for another test. We then talked about my options. A week later, my abortion appointment was scheduled. I found the strength to tell my sisters, but I haven’t told my mom yet.

I was six weeks pregnant. I got on birth control right after my abortion (the patch). I’m now 19. The patch worked for about nine months for me; no pregnancy or anything.  ‘Til one day, I was feeling nauseous over everything, I was feeling depressed, and again, like my body wasn’t mine. I was thinking, “No, I can’t be pregnant. I’m on birth control. I had my period last month.”  I told my partner about how I was feeling, and he bought me a pregnancy test. I saw those two lines again, and this time it was even harder. How did I become one of the women to get pregnant on birth control? This is why I got on it, so this wouldn’t happen to me again. I knew right away what I had to do and made a Planned Parenthood appointment. I just finished college, and I want to keep going with no distractions and no babies. I’m still working on myself and my relationship. We’re both only 19. Planned Parenthood got me in the same day I found out. I told them I’ve done this before and that I was seven weeks this time.

I have only told one sister because I’m scared of what the other will think, but here I am telling you guys because it feels like a safe place. Thank you, everyone!

This story was shared from our partners at Shout Your Abortion.