Hi, My Name Is J.
Hi. I'm J and I had a medication abortion in Ohio in 2025.
I found out I was pregnant when I began noticing undeniably odd symptoms like sore breasts and a bulging tummy, so I took a pregnancy test, and my first thought was, "I have not felt fear like this in my entire life.” I decided to have a medication abortion because I was terrified that if I didn’t get an abortion that was anonymous and secretive, I’d have to put my name and information about my pregnancy/procedure in healthcare files. I was terrified the laws would change and someday the police would come banging on my door to drag me away for “murder”. I felt like my body was a host to a parasite. I was terrified of the idea of a man using a baby as leverage against me. I was terrified of being a mother. I was terrified of medical staff recognizing my face or my name.
I received my abortion pills through telehealth.
From start to finish, the process was private, fast, but painful. I took the pills in my partner’s bed, and I felt so much fear and pain. I was afraid it wouldn’t work or a complication would occur that would force me to present to an in-person clinic. What surprised me most was how easy it was and also the strange sensation of “guilt”, despite my radical views on feminism and child rearing and abortion. I did not feel guilty for the act. I saw it as a benevolent one, as I was sparing an innocent child, myself, and my partner from a life that wasn’t deserved. But a part of me still wondered who the baby would’ve become for a while. I expected to feel some form of regret after this weird, detached, guilty feeling showed up, but I never did because nothing had the power to change my knowing that I made the right decision. Hormones are very good at playing tricks on you and your emotions; it’s why the human race has made it this far. So many women have allowed hormones to sway them into birthing a child they did not want or were not prepared for. A child without a loving, welcoming home becomes an adult that both hurts on the inside and hurts others.
Because I had access to medication abortion, I was able to continue living my life, processing my own parental trauma that keeps me incapable of being a worthy parent, and continue to discover who I am, what I do and do not like, where I want to go, what I want my life to look like, and what my life means to me - all without feeling terrified that I’ll have to pay penance to the law someday for making use of my own autonomy over my body and life. I felt freedom and relief.
I'm sharing my story because I want to change the mind of any young, unknowing woman who may have the wrong voices in her ear. I want women to know that they are free despite the world’s attempts to cage us, and that our cages only exist because we have this power to continue life on the planet, and men feel inferior and jealous of it. They will try to control whether or not you have children, when and where you have them, why you have them, and when you are young, you just may listen and allow them to make decisions for you despite that little voice in the back of your head that says, “But I don’t want this. I am afraid”. If upon looking at a positive pregnancy test, you ever hear this voice say anything other than, “I cannot wait to have this baby. I am so excited,” please spare yourself, the child, and those around you the grief. Live your life in accordance to what you desire. Your body is yours. The choice is yours. Nobody can take that away from you; they can only try. Please don’t let them.
Medication abortion is a basic human right and necessity.
